Best laid plans of mice….

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an ‘men
Gang aft agley,
An’lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!

Still thou art blest, compar’d wi’ me
The present only toucheth thee.

Robert Burns, To A Mouse, On Turning Her Up In Her Nest With The Plough

Not much no progress was made on the filing state in my home today. I have spent the last four hours of my time before going to work to talk to my mother-in-law about the current state of her love life. God bless her, she is a happy soul who always tries to help the helpless, homeless, downtrodden, broken, disheveled, and unwilling. You see, she really is a child of the 60s. She’s all love and peace and tranquility and unity. Everything and everybody has a rosy side in her eyes.

She has spent her entire adult like taking care of people. Her last major stint as a wife/home nurse/fixer of all the bad in the world resulted in her losing her best friend and husband, first to dementia and then to cancer. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I believe this was hard on her for two reasons, one because the love of her life died and two because there was nothing she could do to stop it from happening. She selflessly gave of herself and her life to take care of someone who no longer knew who she was most days. She has often said she will never be able to do that again. We do not fault her for that, ever.

Now, however, there is a new man in her life. He was married once for a very short period, never had any children and threw himself into his life’s work as an Upper Level Executive of a major copy company. To be fair, he is an accomplished man with a nice home and many nice things and most days a nice personality. They aren’t getting married or anything, but he has issues, physically and mentally. He suffers from depression which he fails to treat correctly, stopping his medication when he feels better and then downwardly spiraling until he finally gives in to the pleas to start the meds again. Compound this with excruciating and debilitating pain from a severe shoulder injury and the subsequent pain medication that he uses to make it through most days. I won’t say he has become belligerent to her, but he has become nonchalant, almost uninterested, it seems. She takes this personally. She has mentioned a few times that she does not want to “take care” of anyone the way she had to take care of her husband. But on the other hand, the new beau has nobody to help him. And naturally, mother picks up the slack. She is wearing thin with what she feels she is obligated to do, but she feels that if she breaks it off with him now, he will blame her for leaving him because he’s sick. When he’s good, he’s really good. And when’s he bad, he’s atrocious. He’s almost like Jekyll and Hyde.

Personally, I have a biased opinion. He’s not good enough for her. But she’s my mother(sort of) and very few men have made the impression on me that they are worth more than the occasional dinner or bingo party. I personally feel that she should distance herself.

First, because even when he isn’t sick, he isn’t always nice to her. There is no reason to ever be mean to a lady that would give you the shirt off her back while she washes your grubby clothes.

Second, he belittles the community she lives in and her home, telling her they aren’t as nice as they should be. Well, he may have been the Big Shot of a major corporation at one time and still live in his mini McMansion in an upscale part of town, but he pissed away most of his money, is upside down in his house.

Third, he never wants to be around when we are at mom’s house. Maybe he’s uncomfortable being around us because he never had children of his own. Yeah, we may act goofy and beg mom to make us dinner because we are… and
cook.pleeeeaaaassseeee. Maybe he doesn’t know how to act around us or how to “take” us, but to me it feels a little shady. Like he doesn’t want to be around us because you can fool an old lady but its a little harder to fool her kids… Get what I mean? Maybe I’m way off base, but that’s what it FEELS like to me.

I dunno, just saying that I didn’t get any filing done today.

Categorized as life

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