I will admit that I have anti-social behaviors. My husband tells me all the time. Every year August thru February, Sundays in our family are dedicated to the King of Beers & Pigskins. Today will be the last day of any blatantly obvious reclusive actions. Today is Super Bowl Sunday and I deliberately have no place to go. My husband and children, on the other hand, have the day planned out like an expedition to the Arctic Circle. Hot wings, brownies, cookies, nachos, dips and mini pizzas must be made. Beer must be bought. Favorite football jerseys, hats and lucky socks must be worn. Who’s driving who where and who’s picking up who when and oh wait,… who is going to be designated driver? Designated driver used to be me when I actually attended these type of events. I quit going religiously about 4 years ago, with only the occasional (maybe once or twice a season) begged and pleaded attendance. There were always the pleas.
“Aooow, come on mom! It will be fun”
“Uhhhh, you never go with us! Come on, it will be fun”
“Mike & Vicky/Dad & Cheryl are looking forward to seeing you”
“You can drink. I’ll be designated driver”
“It’s going to be 54! today. That’s not too cold for tailgating”
Well, you get the picture. It’s not that I don’t love my family and want to spend time with them. I just don’t really care to go to/watch on tv/listen to people talk about football all that much. It doesn’t really interest me. Furthermore, there are other activities that coincide with football that I physically can not tolerate.
Large crowds & small screaming children – I can handle this for about 2-3 hours. My brain starts aching, my hands start twitching, I start getting nervous. I have to get away and inevitably spend too much time in the garage smoking too many cigarettes. being. anti. social.
Dogs – we have a dog and I do well with him. I do not do well with other people’s animals. I don’t know the pet. All their sniffing, scratching at my feet, pawing my knees, etc makes me nervous and irritable. I don’t understand why animals are so attracted to the one person that absolutely wants nothing to do with them.
Loud noise – whether it is the booming voices of the tall German men in our family, the hollow echoing off the tile and hardwood floors, the overly loud tv, tired crying kids, incessant whining of grown men over a missed play, a fumbled ball or a bad call. Again to the garage for solitude.
Food – I am on a very restrictive diet (gluten free) that is very hard to work around when it comes to tailgating, large gatherings or parties. People get upset with me when I don’t eat their world famous whatever because it has gluten in it that doubles me over in excruciating pain.
All of these things combined into one day, make me a very unpleasant person to be and be around. Why would I want to get dressed up to go to someone’s house to watch a sport I don’t like, look at food I can’t eat and spend 3 hours in a garage? If I’m going to spend that much time in a garage, I can do it at home and actually get the damn thing cleaned out. I choose to spare myself and my family the pain and awkwardness of explaining my behavior, yet again, by not going and thus, I get labeled anti-social. So be it. I will be non-headache, non-hangover, non-gut wrenching, non-crying, n0n-wincing, non-present.
I rather look at this Super Bowl Sunday with an empty house as long coveted “me” time, doing what makes me happy. I’ll see all you loud obnoxious mother fuckers on Friday for the Cancer Free party. Once a week is plenty for me.